Give a person a fish and you’ve given them food for a day.
Teach them how to fish (to think for themselves) and you’ve
given them food for a life-time. Dan Rockwell shares some very
helpful ideas on finding a good balance between giving people
our “Wisdom and Advice” and forcing them to think.
Guest Post By Dan Rockwell
A recent conversation was part coaching, part advice. I asked, “Which part was most energizing?” He said, “When you were coaching.”
It’s humbling to know people enjoy their own thoughts more than mine.
How to help people think for themselves:
Input is distracting when situations call for self-reflection.
Guiding someone to discover their own thinking builds confidence and enthusiasm.
- Ask questions that begin with “what” or “how.” Resist the urge to explain.
- Connect to identity. “What do people like you do in this kind of situation?”
- Bring values to the conversation. “What decision will make you feel consistent with your values?” Or “What values are at play in this situation?”
- Make room for silence.
- Explain what you see and hear them saying, so they can hear their own ideas.
- Invite elaboration by saying, “Tell me more,” or “What else?”
- Encourage journaling.
- Focus on the process. Let go of perfect solutions.
When to offer advice:
Coaching builds ownership. Good advice still plays a role.
The voice of experience matters most when:
- Time is short.
- Action is urgent.
- Inexperience increases the danger of failure.
Be a sought-after adviser:
- Challenge or confirm direction.
- Inspire confidence.
- Expose blind spots.
- Calm strong emotion.
- Clarify issues.
- Protect from unnecessary calamity.
- Propel people forward.
4 Principles:
Keep these principles in mind.
#1. Don’t rescue.
#2. Stay curious longer.
#3. Relax your enthusiasm to share your wisdom.
#4. Listen deeply.
Illustration:
Suppose you’re helping someone prep for their first presentation.
Begin with coaching: “Think about the best presentations you’ve seen. What stood out about the presenter? The content? Why did it work?”
Once they’ve explored their ideas, say: “I’ve given great and terrible presentations. Want a few tips that might help?”
Power Tip: Your questions matter more than your answers.
How do you decide when to coach and when to give advice?
What advice-giving tip do you have?
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