Years ago, I read that bitterness is a major cause of burnout for men between 25-35 years of age. I had a difficult time of believing it then, but not now. I meet a lot of bitter men; men in leadership roles. In todays post Chuck Lawless shares some indicators that you’re dealing with “Bitterness” and how it can harm you as well as those you are privileged to lead.
Guest Post by Chuck Lawless
It happens. Christian leaders and pastors get smacked around in their work, and they often bear the scars of anger and bitterness. My fear is that many leaders let that bitterness settle into their hearts, and they never really deal with it. Here are some markers that catch my attention:
- Quick temper. For some leaders, little things that should not create much negative response do, however – and others cannot figure out why their leader is so easily stressed and short-fused.
- Personal isolation. The office (or someplace else) becomes a place of refuge, a place of escape from the very people the leader is called to lead. It seems safest where people are not.
- Family stress. Bitter leaders usually take out their bitterness on somebody, and that somebody is often their family. Divorce is not that uncommon when relational bitterness grips a heart.
- General distrust. The leader who’s been hurt in the past—especially the one who’s never fully moved beyond yesterday’s pain—usually struggles trusting any group Instead, he constantly waits for the next problem to develop.
- Ministry “merry-go-round.” Bitter leaders/pastors often become “sojourners” who travel from church to church to church. Their method for dealing with issues = leaving for the next “greener grass” place—which is never greener when they carry bitterness with them.
- Weak prayer life. That’s because the prayers of unforgiving people don’t go very far (Mark 11:25-26). I don’t know many leaders who keep praying persistently when it seems no one is listening to their prayers in the first place.
- Poor health. This marker isn’t always apparent, but there’s often a connection between a leader’s spiritual health and his/her physical health. Some bitter leaders get so consumed with their emotions that they don’t eat well or exercise enough.
- Forced justifications. At least for a while, even leaders defend themselves when confronted about their bitterness. They rationalize as well and as “spiritually” as anyone can.
- “Mean” preaching. Pastors may not recognize it, but their congregations know when they’re “taking out their anger” on the whole church. Having a microphone only makes their sin more obvious and loud.
- Hidden sin. Again, this symptom isn’t always apparent, but it does happen: the recourse for some wounded leaders is to turn toward wrong in their isolated lives.
- Relational distancing. Bitter leaders develop only surface-level relationships. After all, why take the risk of getting hurt again?
- Fading joy. Not many people want to be around these leaders anymore. The people they lead may not know all that’s happening, but they know their leader doesn’t show the joy of Jesus anymore.
Be honest—do any of these indicators hit home for you? If you want to read more, here’s why bitterness will consume you.
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