There is a big misunderstanding among leaders today regarding conflict. Many try to avoid it at all costs, while others wade in like a bull in a china shop creating great destruction for everyone involved. There is healthy and unhealthy conflict. Dan Rockwell shares 5 essentials for healthy conflict.
Guest Post by Dan Rockwell
Conflict is inevitable. Healthy conflict is rare.
Healthy conflict brings people together.
All conflict needs a positive purpose. Ask yourself, “What are we fighting for?”
Fighting against:
Conflict begins with painful negatives.
- I don’t like…
- I don’t want…
- You never…
- You always…
- This is your fault.
- I can’t believe…
- I can’t take this.
Fighting against…
- Enflames because it focuses on offenses.
- Engages in personal attacks.
- Usually misses the point.
- Invites defensiveness from others.
- Causes people to choose sides
Healthy conflict fights for something:
Develop positive language.
- I want…
- My goal is…
- I’m committed to…
- I aspire to…
- My intention is…
Change “I” to “we” and “my” to “our.”
5 essentials for healthy conflict:
- Requires you to declare yourself. What do you want? Don’t speak for others. Courageously speak for yourself.
- Defines success in terms of behaviors. Be simple and specific. What will we do differently? How will we act if we succeed?
- Has a shared win. Don’t ask people to fight for something that harms them. The question is, “How will we win?”
- Means starting again. Moving forward requires forgiveness. Advancement means letting go of the past.
- Demands alignment with shared values.
What enables people to use conflict for good?
What suggestions do you have for strengthening relationships when there’s conflict?
Still curious:
You Might Not Like it but There are 5 Good Things About Conflict
What to Do When You Disagree with Leadership
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